Put down the beating stick!

Sorry it has been a while since my last post! I am struggling with writers block recently and for me, blogging should be a creative and natural thing, I don't want to make myself write posts for the sake of it. I want to have something to talk about and be passionate about it! 

I had a review session with my PT on Monday...
 As you may know from previous posts, I signed up with a PT about 5 weeks ago. I felt that I really needed a kick up the motivational ass in the gym with my work outs. My weight loss was slowing down and I felt I needed some guidance on how to work out better. I do have some fitness goals that I want to achieve and having had and enjoying a PT before in another gym it felt like the right time to take the next step in bringing in some professional assistance. 
My PT is a great guy, he's really knowledgeable and makes my sessions fun. I appreciate having someone there to make sure that I'm doing my exercises correctly as I'm conscious that with having being overweight for a lot of my life, my posture isn't the greatest. He seems happy with the food side of my lifestyle so my focus with him is to improve on my fitness and burn fat and make some headway towards my fitness goals:

*Improve my posture
*Tone arms (I would love to get rid of my lovely bingo wings!)
*Tone thighs 
*Tone stomach (as much as having a slight 6 pack would be amazing, just having a flat and somewhat toned stomach would be a dream come true)
*Shrink butt (anyone who's seen me in person will know what I mean!)
*Improve core strength
*Be stronger

So anyway, back to my review! It went pretty well and in 4 weeks, according to my PT's scales I've lost 2kg or 4.4lbs. Although when I checked my weight loss results against my scales at home I had lost 6lbs between the 2 dates so I'm going with that :). When it came to measurements I have lost:

Ribcage - 3 cms/1.2 inches off
Tummy - 2 cms/0.8 inches off
Hips - 2 cms off/0.8 inches off
Hip bone - 2 cms off/0.8 inches off (not sure the difference between hips and hip bone except the hip measurement was lower)
Total = 9cms/3.5 inches off

Left - Aug 2014. Right - March 2015

I was kind of hoping for more inches, at least 2 across all areas but my PT is happy with my progress so far and advised that most people take twice as long to lose that much. I'm also not impressed with the amount of weight that I've lost too but I did have a cheat 24 hours which made me gain 2lbs last week so a week was written off to compensate that. So I could have potentially lost more, hopefully closer to the 2lbs a week goal that I have set myself. I worked out today that I have 19 weeks until my goal date of my birthday and I need to be losing 2.2lbs a week to achieve this. That number is slowly creeping up each time I review it so I really need to buckle down and stick to working out and eating right in order to get to 10 stone for my birthday. Although I'm very much aware that the closer you get to goal, the weight loss slows down so I know that I may not reach that 10 stone marker in time but I'm determined to get as close to it as I can. I am doing my best not to get hung up on numbers but this is incredibly hard for me and when I don't see the result I want on the scales, it really does put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I really wish I could not let the number on the scales define me as a person but I do really struggle with this. I've always been quite a numbers driven person and it has been part of my career for years to be focused on numbers. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself? This isn't a race, I have got all the time this year to reach my goal and as much I'd love to just wake up tomorrow and be a size 10, I know that going slowly and steadily will pay off in the long term, well I hope it will! I have never lost weight by eating healthy before as I've previously lost around a stone a month on a shake diet. Doing it this way is pretty new to me and scary at the same time! But... I am determined, that's for sure. But I'm terrified of becoming complacent when I reach goal and also scared of my food demons coming back and not having the willpower or the self control to rein them in. But I will cross that bridge when I come to it, no use in worrying about that right now.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a journey, it is not a quick fix and I won't forever be a size 10, or a size 20 for that matter. Yesterday evening my friend sent me a lovely message that really put in into perspective for me:

"I love you and want you to win this time, like I'm trying to win, but the fight is forever remember"

What a lovely message but at the same time I found that message really powerful. Having a food addiction is a battle, one that you'll have forever because food is something that needs to be in our lives in order to survive. Food is so readily and easily available and is also a huge part of being sociable with friends and family. 99% of the time, I'm winning the fight but there are some days where I lose and I eat the wrong thing for whatever reason. The worse thing you can do is beat yourself up about it and continue to spiral into a pit of eating crap. One of my weight loss buddies on social media has this great line she uses when I'm beating myself up on Twitter about gaining weight or not losing enough. She tells me to 'put down the beating stick' and she's right. Why do we beat ourselves up over gaining a few measly pounds? Surely there are worse things we can humanly do than just gain a tiny bit of weight? We're all human after all, giving into a temptation or a craving once in a while isn't something that we should punish ourselves over. But I'm probably my own worst enemy for making myself feel bad for indulging or not achieving the numbers that I feel I should be. I have to keep bearing in mind that this is a journey and not one that is going to happen overnight and I'm going to wake up a size 10 in the morning. 
I do take each day as it comes, one workout at a time and 1lb at a time and slowly, the days build into weeks and before I know it I've been on this journey for 6 months and I've lost over over 2 and a half stone. 

I've still got 42lbs to go until I reach goal though but I am more than determined to have my first 'slim' summer in over 7 years. I saw a quote on Pintrest that I have to share with you all as I know I don't want to spend another summer being overweight and miserable:

Link to image: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/303500462364488398/

This pic is currently my phone wallpaper as it's going to be summer soon and I don't want to lose sight of my goal.

So... I'm putting down the beating stick (for now!) and I've just had a really yummy dinner of stuffed chicken breasts with goats cheese and sun dried tomatoes with sweet potato wedges and a salad. Proof that eating clean is not boring at all!

Until next time

Much Love

Just Ems

Start Date: 7th October 2014

Start Weight: 15 stone 8lbs

Current Weight: 13 Stone

Total Weight Lost: 36lbs

Height 5'2