Sunday, 28 December 2014

How 2014 has changed me

Disclaimer - Firstly I will say that today's post doesn't focus on losing weight or clean eating, as its more of a reflection of 2014 but this is something that I needed to 'put to paper' as they say to clear my head and mentally prepare for the coming year. Don't worry, this isn't a 'New Year, New Me' post!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and received everything that you had wished for!

2015 is nearly upon us which makes me think back to what has happened in the past year. I can just about remember celebrating New Year round my sisters place at a house party and driving my best friend to work the next day, feels so long ago!

This year has held a lot of changes for me

, mostly positive although I probably didn't think so at the time! Changes have taken place in where I live, my health, my friends, my career and my mentality, both the physical and emotional parts of life...

Place to live - In February I moved out of my 1 bed flat and into a lovely house with a garden that I hope to continue living in for another year at least. I really don't fancy moving again, it's definitely one of the most stressful things humans experience in this day and age isn't it? But I love the house as it reminds me of my family home (which sadly my mum had to sell over 2 years ago) and is in the right location for seeing family, friends and for work. Thankfully I didn't have far to move from the flat to the house and I feel lucky to have this place.

Job - Shortly after I moved, things in my career took a drastic turn as well. Ever since I was in my late teens I always wanted to progress wherever I worked and I've done so in every job and place I've worked at however, in my previous position the stress and hours mounted more than anywhere else I had worked at. I was working 55 hour weeks, barely seeing my friends or family, I was very overweight and relying on junk food and takeaways to fuel the hours I was working and to get me through the stress of the role. I was doing a job that I always had wanted to do but the place I was working at wasn't right and I was struggling. I knew that I couldn't carry on like this and that I needed my life back. I was very unhappy with the job, my weight and my health were suffering greatly, I was miserable as I was so overweight and that I was missing out on not spending as much time with my family and friends. Something had to give and I decided that my career really needed to take a back step after 13 years and I needed to focus on myself. I needed to take a step down and take the time to do the things that I wanted to do and I realised that plugging 55 hours a week into a company that really only cared about the numbers and not the people was not what I deserved anymore. So, in March I handed my 3 month notice in and set about looking for another job. This proved harder than I ever imagined and after applying for over 200 jobs, I finally secured a new job elsewhere with fewer hours. For 13 years I had put my health and weight on the back burner whilst I focused on making more money and climbing the career ladder but in 2014 I finally realised that friends, family, my health and own self happiness are worth more than any job or payrise. I am glad I took that step as I don't think I'd be where I am today. If you are unhappy in your job and can afford to change I would recommend it to anyone. The people who love you and the ones you love are the most important people in your life. Things can change in an instant and you may regret not spending as much time with those you love or focusing on what is really important in life. 

Self Worth - Those of you who know me well enough outside of the Blogging world know that towards the end of 2013, I went through some crappy 'guy stuff' and subsequently got my heart broken by the one and only guy I'd ever fallen in love with. Well, more like ripped out of my chest, torn into a million pieces, stamped upon and pissed on to be exact. Bitter much? I didn't cope with it well at all and turned to food and alcohol to suppress my feelings and numb the pain. I'm an emotional eater. If I'm sad, I'll eat. If I'm happy, I'll eat. If I'm stressed, yep you've got it, I will stuff my face until the bad feeling has been buried and I can carry on doing whatever I was doing. It was a vicious circle which I'm sure all of us have done at some point. I was sad, I'd stuff myself silly constantly and get drunk. Then my clothes wouldn't fit and I'd gain weight, which made me sad and then I'd stuff my face and drink more booze. Sound familiar? I couldn't stop and my binging was spiralling out of control. I didn't want to go out because I'd gained so much weight, I didn't want to see my friends, especially friends who had seen me thinner in the past. I avoided contact with men because I never wanted to be near another one again, even the thought of kissing a guy made me feel sick. Urgh. 

I'd like to say that it was some lightening bolt moment that happened that made me change, like some big realisation that dawned on me but it wasn't. Everything kinda slowly fell into place. I changed my job and reduced my hours. I saw how much weight I had gained and the 16 stone number scared me alot. My mum's partner was diagnosed with diabetes and talks with friends made me realise that I couldn't keep letting what had happened with the c**t who'd almost destroyed my confidence and self worth, dictate how I was going to live the rest of my life. I'm in my early 30's and I still have a lot of my life to live and I sure as hell wasn't going to let what he'd done control anymore of it. So I discovered Pintrest and Clean Eating and by October I was ready. Ready to make positive changes to my health and my weight. FOR GOOD. 

Ye, I still have bad days. I still have days where I think of what happened and it upsets me and I wish things were different and I miss how things used to be. I'm human after all, we all think that about some situations that have happened in our lives. Apparently, all things happen for a reason. Sometimes the reason takes a while to appear and make sense. Maybe it all happened so I could finally realise that the best and only way to lose weight FOREVER is to eat healthy and not follow some fad diet? I'm still not sure I know the reasons why yet but finally, after year of wallowing in my own self pity, takeaways and wine bottles ( yes, a year.... seriously you'd have thought I was brain washed or something! Maybe it was the wine ;) ) I've turned a setback into a comeback and I'm slowly learning to become a healthier person, inside and out.

Blogging - Well as you know in the past month or so I've turned a hand to blogging and putting this healthier lifestyle online for anyone to read. I have loved every second of it and making new online friends. I have been very lucky to have been given the opportunity to work with 3 amazing girls to advertise my blog since I started and Twitter has been the biggest connectivity platform for me and finally I'm getting to grips with it! Having the opportunity to write down my thoughts and feelings on weight loss has given me the motivation to continue my journey over the past 3 months and I plan to keep going even when I've reached my goal. I never thought I would lose 30lbs in less than 3 months and it only spurs me on more to carry on.

Well, those are the 'big' things that that happened to me this year. Above all, it has been quite a year of reflection, realisation and making changes that were right, although were scary, nerve wracking or hard at the time. I know now what I need to do in order to become a happier, kinder, healthier person and I'm looking forward to what 2015 has in store now I've set the foundations.

As of when I published this post, I have received 1010 views to the blog. WOW. Thank you so much to everyone who has taken an interested in Just Ems and the rants and rambles of my weight loss journey. Thank you :)

Until next time

Much Love

Just Ems

Start Date: 7th October 2014
Start Weight: 15 stone 8lbs
Current Weight: 13 Stone 6lbs
Total Weight Lost: 30lbs
Height 5'2 


  1. I'll try again :-)
    I love this post, we really do have lots in common! I could have written the part about emotional eating and binging, but you put it so much more eloquently than I ever could!
    It sounds as though you've been through the mill, but you're well on your way on to the other side and I'm not sure anyone else could have turned their life around like you have. Well done you, such an inspirational journey (sorry if that sounds mushy)!
    I'm not sure you need a healthy lifestyle buddy, you've done so well so far... But I certainly need you! And I can't help thinking that you've shown that lowlife c**t that you're worth so much more than him. Here's to you Ems! Xx

    1. Awwww Buddy! You are so kind and sweet, thank you so much for your lovely comment :')
      I promise I definitely still need you! It is hard to do it on your own and we all need a Buddy to get us through those tough times, however often or few and far between they come. Plus I think my friends are getting bored of my clean eating advice... or the 'holier than thou' attitude as it has been called! ;) cheeky buggers hey
      Looking forward to sharing our journeys together. Here's to us! xx

  2. I meant every word... *cheers*
    FBG xx